Kolkata, ami ashchhi!

As Raza Jaffrey once sang so beautifully in "Bombay Dreams" - "the journey home is never too long..."




P.S. - Blog will be updated regularly. I promise.

Bits & Pieces

---
HOME! and happy :)

Finally managed to wrap up another 25-30 page paper on Kashmir (Faultline Politics and Pathways to Peace) for my Identity, Rights and Conflict class. Huge sigh of relief! It turned out well, I think. I managed to bang out 10 pages at breakneck speed...and then I reached the bit delineating my so-called "pathways to peace"...and all inspiration left me. Go figure. But, finally I followed my natural instincts when doing research and found that really, it all boils down to universal values of insaaniyat (humanity) and insaaf (justice). And more inclusionary politics, an easing of Kashmir-based Indo-Pak nationalism construction, a demilitarization of J & K (in particular the Kashmir Valley) and democratic rights for the Kashmiris. So, yeah...Humanity and Justice :D

Now that that's done. Winter break starts....NOW.

Which means that I can officially start gearing up for our trip to India. Lots and lots of fun things planned - rickshaw riding, park prowling, gaane gaaye-ing (song singing), street store surveying, and all the un-planned/spontaneous madness that ensues when the Bhattacharya cousins & friends are reunited - for the 2 weeks. Spirit, confidence and faith have all taken a marvelous beating during the past semester. But it's nothing that family and India can't cure (thanks Natutu!) :D 4 more days!!
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Anyway, I did have a few more updates but I have been hogging my Mum's office computer non-stop for the last two days and I'm now starting to feel (slightly) guilty. Also, I want to listen to the new Trance Around The World episode which took...wait for it...a massive 5 hours to download. If you know me well, you'd know that it's the latter which is forcing an abrupt end to this post vs the former. Oh Trance, you have me enslaved...

MUCH more later. Have a lovely weekend, wherever you are in the world!
---
Food for thought:
"The unimaginable sums of public money that are needed to keep the military occupation of Kashmir going is money that ought by right to be spent on schools and hospitals and food for an impoverished, malnutritioned population in India. What kind of government can possibly believe that it has the right to spend it on more weapons, more concertina wire and more prisons in Kashmir?"
- Arundhati Roy, "Land and Freedom" (courtesy of the Guardian UK, 22.08.2008)

Kul sana wa inti tayyeba!

19th December 2008:

a very very HAPPY BIRTHDAY to my Lebanese Love-Muffin...aka Joanna :D

(oh, IMP!)

Hope you have a wonderful 21st birthday in snowy Providence - and a year ahead that sees every little one of your characteristically minutely-detailed dreams come true. I love you so much and am eternally thankful for having you in my life - as a friend, activist, youtube-addict and so much more. Also, I owe you a (legal) Pimm's when we get back :) xxxxx

last Study Break for the day.

Finals have had me unbearably stressed. Apologies all around for not writing, calling or blogging. I am DONE on Monday though - and I shall be seeing most of you (my favourite people in the world) very very soon. Please, if you're going to be in India this December, LET ME KNOW! Even if I don't get to meet you, at least I'll be able to hear the strains of your voice and reminisce about the good and great times :)

Speaking of good times, Christmas is without a doubt my favourite time of the year. Happiness and jingle bells. Reflection and silent nights. And an excuse to have my favourite carol (Carol of the Bells) on repeat for days on end (because, everyone knows Christmas starts in mid-November and goes on till mid-January. duh.). But, ALSO...nearing Christmas day reminds me that it is about to happen. The ONE tangible present I begin every year waiting for...Armin van Buuren (oh, love) releases his annual "A State of Trance Year Mix [enter current year here]" around Christmas time. I got my hands on this year's copy on Friday (shh) and...OK, I know most of you aren't (I can't for the life of me understand why :P) Trance/Progressive buffs, so I won't bore you. But, yesterday, fighting the bitter and angry Providence wind, I ventured outdoors, iPod in ears, hope in my heart. And...it was everything I dreamed of. I might say that this is the best Year Mix since 2004/2005. I know my trademark is hyperbole...but, really, the magic of hearing the opening bars of "La Guitarra" (for CD1) and "If You Should Go (Aly & Fila Remix)" (for CD2) beginning the mix and then being a part of the journey that IS A State of Trance cannot be overstated. Really, even exam stress and life-numbing New England winters can't put a lid on my soaring spirit. People often ask me why I have music in my ears ALL the time - why I walk the streets and don't listen to the sounds of cars whooshing past, college students chattering, grotesquely loud construction monsters reshaping the very face of Providence/Brown University, etc. Why I'm not a "part" of my surroundings. Believe me, I am. Except my reality is found in the 240 layers of sound that comprise every second of uplifting/euphoric/vocal/instrumental trance. So, while I risk being run over by yellow school buses every day (3 times and counting), it's OK. Because at least I'm flying when it happens...

Congratulations to my dearest, favouritest, bestest friend in the whole wide world. You are so beautiful, it only follows that the things that you see and the way you see them will be much the same. I hope this is only the beginning of a very long career in gallery appearances :) Love you!

While trying to wrench my suitcase out of its nook in my miniscule closet in my room (try and find it, I dare you), I had to rearrange a lot my room. And, I realised how much CRAP I have. No, literally. (OK, not *literally* but you know) Ticket stubs, eight packs of gum with exactly 1 piece left in each, 3 kinds of lip balm - all of them half used, notes, posters/fly-cards of events that I had wanted to attend, 2-line letters, cards, post-its about needing to study 320 pages of Economics in 4 days (praise the LORD those days are over)...EVERYTHING. And, it's funny...because I'm really not one to live in the past much. There are those who open up shoe boxes of memories and painstakingly try and put together the days that were in chronological order. I, good reader, am not one of them. It happened...and that's that. It was wonderful...but that's it. WHY then all this stuff? 1) Lift box of crap, 2) Pull bin out, 3) Throw. Away.

[Actually, I lie...there are some things I keep in a special little diary and look at with tear-filled eyes. Boarding passes to Zambia/India, train tickets to New Haven, passes for the commuter rail to Boston, my ticket stub and autographed wristband (eep!) from Armin's Halloween concert. Times when I have left behind what I know to purposefully create days&nights which will become memories I will treasure forever...like sunshine-flavoured charms on an otherwise uniform chain of life's days]

Wow...my square brackets are so emo. Worrying.

Began packing today as a study break. SO SO excited for winter break. This semester's been a lovely one - for the most part, things have gone wonderfully right - but there has been a strange sense of discomfort. An underlying lack...of something. I can't put my finger on it, and it might be absolutely nothing...but it has not let me have the perfect semester (if there is such a thing for reflective, thinking, questioning young people). Being with family in the comfort of maachher jhol-bhaath will no doubt help put things into perspective. Another way of saying - 16TH DECEMBER, WHEN WILL YOU COME?!

I have the WORST exam tomorrow. A final for my History of the Modern Middle East Since 1918 class. You would think that this would be a piece of cake class for me. And, yes - it was one of the most interesting classes I've taken. The material was vast and really helped me contextualise whatever knowledge I had of the region (barring my knowledge of Palestine-Israel and a little bit of post-civil war Lebanon, I really didn't know enough), Professor Akarli was an incredibly professor (even though I disagree with his take on the PKK in Turkey) and one of the few leftover humanists from an era long-gone, and our readings were diverse and so full of useful information. HOWEVER, that does not mean, Professor Engin Akarli, that you should torture us with your exams - it does not mean that we should have to know what on page 156-line 28, word 9 was! We should not have to try and guess what Sadat was thinking in 1977 that one time when he thought of something that related to something else that happened in 1965. Gah! Anyway, major cramming session tonight. And then beautiful, cursive regurgitation tomorrow at 9 in the AM. Sweet.

Excuse me for the haphazardness of this post, by the way. Tried to get as much written down in 30 minutes. Style, unfortunately, had to suffer. More tomorrow after the exam, in between packing, saying goodbye to friends and being a general bum.

Tomorrow. I will think of you twice every second...instead of just once. Sadly, you don't deserve to be the one. You shouldn't. But, you are. What a waste...

The quietest time of day

04:27.

Finished the best paper I have, possibly, ever written

...and have fallen in love with Kashmir in the process.

Read Vishal Dadlani's letter.

And Barkha Dutt's piece.

It's never simple. Never.

Dreaming of dollops of sunshine on the Dal Lake and "Guzarish"

Alvida, for this short night.

Bas chal naa mere sang sang...

Music lost its meaning for a while. I would play it, for the first time in my life, just to fill the silence. Sometimes you need to be reminded of what you have loved...to know that your soul isn't scarred...and that the future can be just as beautiful.

When I first heard this, I was struck by how similar the strains are to one of my favourite songs, "Saathiya" (Saathiya, 2002). And also, how familiar the feelings - my heart momentarily experiencing the most beautiful ache, a slight shiver, time stopping for just a minute - were.

"Guzarish" - Ghajini (To be released 25/12/2008)


Week 1.
26/11: We will never forget.
Simply, we can't...

Aye mere vatan ke logon...

"So I’m booking flights to Mumbai. I’m going to go get a beer at the Leopold, stroll over to the Taj for samosas at the Sea Lounge, and watch a Bollywood movie at the Metro"

- Suketu Mehta, "What They Hate About Mumbai" NYTimes 28/11/2008
[Read his op-ed here]

Thanksgiving break is coming to an end and I feel like I've lived through a few lifetimes in the last few days. My heart and spirit have been thousands of miles away from Alpine, New Jersey and there isn't a cell in my body that is looking forward to taking a train ride back to Providence tomorrow morning. It's been hard having to sit down to write final papers, study for final exams and try and be a Brown student knowing that Bombay and the nation at large are suffering through nights of insecurity and anguish.

I have read hundreds of blogs, spoken to dozens of friends and relatives in India, trawled through every online news source and watched NDTV 24x7 (pun intended) during the past few days - hoping and praying that the words people were using to express their reactions to the events in Bombay would in some way, shape or form allow me to come to terms with my own sentiments. Anger and sadness have somewhere along the line metamorphosed into a deep-set sense of disappointment and melancholy. The victims of my wild emotions are also dynamic - religious leaders, terrorist groups, blinded youth, colonial powers, academics, insensitive peers, over-cautious older people, politicians, journalists, socialites and celebrities, friends, society, we the people...the world.
***
Crimson streets, broken-glass vision, blaring sirens, burning heritage, ruthless AK's, frightened pigeons, smiling terror. Wednesday and Thursday are a blur of tears. CNN America, usually SO careful to hide images of injured civilians in Iraq or mangled bodies of American/British soliders, had no qualms about displaying before its viewers graphic images of the blown up, bullet-ridden, fire-blackened, forever paralysed bodies of Indian men, women and children. Mumbaikers. The Taj burned late into the night and something broke inside of me.

Oh god, I was so angry. I was angry at those men who sit in their plush homes in Dubai, Karachi, Riyadh, Mumbai, London, Paris (you name it) and plot these atrocious acts. I was angry because I was living in a mad, screwed up world where bad people can band together, and truly believe that they are soldiers in "The Army of the Righteous" (Lashkar-e-Toiba). I was angry at people who, barely 48 hours the horrific acts, were posting, on facebook, conspiracy theories linking the attacks to the BJP. I was angry that, after calling me and asking if everyone was OK in my family, one of my friends would respond to my rhetorical questions, "Why Bombay? Why terror? Why AGAIN?!" with, "I mean, Muslims are treated pretty shittily in India...and plus there's the whole Kashmir thing". I was SO angry, in fact, that an Army friend's status message on facebook (“Forgiving terrorists is left to GOD, but fixing their appointment with god is OUR responsibility”) gave me some sick sense of pleasure. The knowledge that inhuman forms of torture were, no doubt, being used by the special forces on the body and spirit of the captured terrorist didn't appall me as much as it maybe should have. Admittedly, I was unbearably hateful.
***
The dust settled around the, yet again, bruised and battered city of Bombay, the Tiranga-draped bodies of Hemant Karkare, Ashok Kamte, Vijay Salaskar and other lesser-known but (god knows) equally important national heroes were laid to rest by tearful masses, cellphones were turned on, window shutters opened and frightened feet ventured outdoors. Life risked going back to normal. As it always does, in this compulsively resilient city. But something had broken.
***
I was watching the latest episode of "We The People" (if you haven't seen it already - here is the online version) and I was struck by a number of things. Firstly, could Barkha Dutt and her team have put together a more inept panel of speakers? People like Kunal Kohli, Ness Wadia and Simi Grewal - besides having no public policy, homeland security, international politics or conflict resolution experience/expertise whatsoever - are unbearably uninteresting and trite individuals. Why would I ever feel any sense of reassurance or take any kind of advice from a panel of these self-obsessed, wealthy, entitled celebrities? Other than M N Singh (Former police commissioner of Mumbai), none of the other panelists had any real reason to be on that show (except Ratna Pathak who just seems like a fiercely intelligent and lovely woman)! Yes, they are citizens and prominent members of the Mumbai crowd - but who cares! At a time when we need to be asking tough questions about the politics and policies of our country, who are these people?! Where were the relief workers, the members of the ATS or the police force, the activists, the academics, the Post-Trauma health workers, the journalists, the report writers, the think tank workers, on the panel? These are the people amongst us who are formulating and putting together ideas that will bring on-the-ground change to the country. These are the people who we should be engaging with and the nuance in their ideas are the ones we should be attempting to understanding. Not Simi Grewal and her narrow-minded, war-mongering politics.

And then, it hit me. Terrorism had struck. No, not for the first time nor the hardest (read as: highest death toll). But it had struck the richest. Terrorism was no more just dinner conversation about distant events in some sprawled out market in Delhi that one's Manolo Blahniks would never walk into nor was it about dead conductors on (god forbid they ever have to breathe the air in one) commuter trains in Mumbai. Terrorists, by upsetting the peace of South Bombay, have implanted that universal fear in the minds of the rich and famous in Mumbai - it could have been us.

And, suddenly, people like Ness Wadia and Mr. Oberoi are speaking using the most trite methods of verbal manipulation - populism. With stilted accents and hoity-toity tones, these multi-millionaires speak of big concepts and 'relate', in the most annoyingly fake way, to every citizen of India. But, that's the scary similarity between politicians and this crust of Mumbai society - their empty, thoughtless words and their complete lack of commitment to the communities of which they are a part. Cynic that I am, I can't help but feel that the sudden epiphany that the Indian govt. is not doing justice to its people does not come from a deep-set sense of disgust at the atrocities of political negligence - but more from a sense of elitist "we pay you guys and keep you guys in power and THIS is how you repay us?" Once a few more MP's are sacked, the Oberoi's and Taj's and their socialite friends are going to be able to find the millions to rebuild their grand hotels and ensure tighter security for their flashy public appearances and private jets. It's the rest of us that need to look deeper to rebuild our societies and find ways to create long-lasting social change.
***
Since Saturday, people have been falling over themselves to be heard over the din of angry voices. Every individual is trying to air his deep-set disappointment with the government using harsher and more eloquent words than his neighbour. From Amitabh's blog post about the ominous taking-justice-into-my-own-hands act of sleeping with a gun under his pillow to regular off-the-www-street bloggers who say "line up every politician in sight and shoot him" - India's favourite game, i.e. find a scapegoat in the government and then put as much pressure on him as possible, is being played with an unabashed sense of entitlement by every 'proud' citizen of our nation.

Please don't get me wrong - I am up there amongst the most disgusted critics of the Z-class security having, Merc driving, Bollywood gawking, Communal tension promoting, bribe swallowing, empty promises making senile idiots that are in positions of power in our country. However, what I am also a heavy-handed critic of is distancing ourselves from the process of that ultimately entrusts these leaders with our tax money - our role in choosing these men and women.

There are a million reasons to be livid with the current set of duffers in power. Why does it take 10hours to get forces to the Taj, in a city that has been plagued by terrorism and communal tension non-stop for the past 25-30 years? Thank you, Home Minister-saab for informing the whole world on TV that NSG men are leaving to take on the terrorists. Why oh why, however, did you think it necessary to give us all the classified details - number of NSG men, what time they would leave and what time they would start the operations? Thank you, Mr. Minister, the terrorists were ALSO watching you on TV. Why did the hundreds of fire fighters, who were putting their lives at risk trying to douse the flames at the Taj and evacuate hostages at the same time, enter a terrorist attack with 2 bullet-proof jackets and no bomb-detectors/detonators? Why didn't the authorities secure our harbours when they received the letter from the union of fishermen warning them of hijacked jetties, foreign smugglers and potential security threats? And these are only a handful of failures that have been brought to the fore thanks (I apologize for the seemingly insensitive use of this word) to the events of the past 4 days.

But please, let's not just jump on the shiny-and-sinfully-tempting bandwagon that is bashing our incompetent politicians and their apathy. Let's also take a good hard look at ourselves and our own personal role in the state of this democracy. How many of us take the time and make the effort to vote?! How many of us really know about candidates within our cities and states, research and engage with their political platforms? How much do we know about our constitution and our rights as citizens of a democracy? How many of us have ever considered working for the public sector or look to actively be a part of policy making/government institutions? We cannot sit around and hope for a change in leadership and better days - a community and a nation has to be worthy of it. We cannot expect a more secure nation when we roll our eyes at security personnel at airports and sigh deeply when our bags are checked at the cinema halls. How can we expect to elect leaders who represent our social opinions and world view if all our conversations on Indian politics are prefaced by the disclaimer "I hate politicians. I have no faith in the politics of our country." We ask ourselves, why aren't our politicians afraid of the people?! Because we, the people, are making a conscious decision - every day of our lives - to depoliticize and, ultimately, disempower ourselves.
***
But, like the politicians who delude us time and time again, I have said more than is necessary.
***
The past few days have changed me as a person. I wasn't in Bombay and I did not see the blood-lined streets or the gashes in the fabric of the city. And while I know you might find it trivial and pointless, I will light a candle to mourn the dead and hope for peace. But, that is NOT enough. Please, let us finally take responsibility for ourselves and our actions - let us rise to be the good citizens that our great country deserves. If not now, then when?

"Where the mind is led forward by thee
Into ever-widening thought and action
Into that heaven of freedom, my Father, let my country awake. "
- Rabindranath Tagore

...

ENOUGH!

What do you want? Freedom? Justice? Peace?

How can you possibly believe that bullets and blasts can achieve that? When, in the history of human civilization, did things unravel so fundamentally to give a voice and violent means to people like you?

Where is our Gandhi? WHERE?

WHY DO YOU HAUNT US??

And you will say "revenge".

You speak of your mothers and sisters. Does taking them away from a Hindu family bring back yours? You speak of rights. When a 25-year-old man - whose only crime is to share your middle name, Mohammed - is strip-searched in an airport in Paris tomorrow, do you feel empowered? You speak of stability. When the 2-year-old Jewish boy will hear a car backfiring in the streets of Brooklyn and will run and hide under his bed because it brings back memories of being held hostage on November 26th 2008 by YOU...will you feel safe?

Who are you to tell my best friend that she cannot go to college today? Who are you to decide that my housemate's parents cannot sleep in their beds in South Bombay for the next few nights? Who are you to crush dreams, spill blood and empty streets of their crowds? Who are you to demand that we live every day in fear? Who are you?

You. The faceless men and women who continue to believe that you have a cause. You. The people who believe that by taking innocent lives your death will have meaning. You. The organizations that look to strangle hope with your evil. You. Who snatch love from our hearts, poetry from our mouths. You. Who are teaching me - one despicable terror attack after another - what it means to hate.

Bombay, my dream, I cry endless tears for you today.

My beloved India. They come to you every year - to tear at you, to torture you. They test the greatness of this land and the spirit of our people. Today, as I watch the brave men - the Mumbai police, the NSG, the Indian Army, the Navy and the security forces - giving their lives to protect your heritage I realize that if I lose faith in you, I lose myself.

Will we remember this Black Friday as the one in which we let terrorists and politicians (one and the same?) define our identities and tear our nation to shreds? Or will we remember this day as the one that made us, once and for all, believe in the strength of the vision that the Boses-Singhs-Gandhis-Khans had for our great nation - that of a people bound together by their undying love for freedom, peace and universal humanity. Please help me believe again, my nation...my people. PLEASE.

Jai Hind.

Bye bye for a bit

Taking a 6:50AM train with Krishna this morning to FINALLY go on break for a bit. Thanksgiving will be full of NYC roaming, deep thinking, Middle East history studying, family loving, War & Society paper writing, Hamas-as-a-social-movement presentation planning. Also, cupcake eating @ Buttercup Bake Shop! Mmmm...it's what dreams are made of.

Here's hoping for a good day to counter the effects of some shoddy ones...NYC, love me today!!! :)

P.S. - Mummy-Daddy, I miss you :( December 16th, come soon, no!

Don't let the loud colours and undying optimism fool you...

I should have seen it coming. My vivid recollections of Dil Se..., my love for cheapy-cheap dirty jokes and my slow-but-steady loss of hearing (oh, how you all lied to me - blaming it on my iPod headphones jammed into my ears 24/7 and the blaring House music) - they were all signs.

Old age, my friends, is here.

Symptoms:

1) Aching Limbs
For Kai's 24th birthday (he's Singaporean - i.e. he served in the military before coming to Brown - not an idiot who failed nursery school multiple times), Ila and I bought him a beautiful 1500 piece puzzle of the Hagia Sophia in Istanbul. Of course we didn't think we'd actually have to help him BUILD it. Alas, how wrong we were. A few weekends ago Ila, Joanna, Kai and I sat on his living room floor for 5hours (with mint tea, Portuguese sausages, baguette-pesto, and good old Rootin' Tootin' All-American chocolate chip cookies for added company) and painstakingly managed to put together about 200 pieces. Kai and Joanna had to put up with Ila and I singing everything from LeAnn Rimes' "Can't Fight the Moonlight" to Rafi saab's timeless gem "Taarif Karun Kya Uski" (Kashmir Ki Kali) and by the end of it, we cursed ourselves for being creative gift-givers with interesting friends.
Oh, the pain of having to sit cross-legged and hunch-backed, sifting through (what felt like) hundreds of thousands of (what also felt like) microscopic puzzle pieces. Will someone please pass the Arthritis meds, my bifocals and a cane? This old lady has to visit the bathroom before bed.

2) Because I Said So
You know that person? The one who thinks s/he's super-smart but really just rehashes (read as: misrepresents) things s/he may have heard in class or (wonder of wonders) read in a book once? Normally, I would just find her/him amusing and, in large doses, a little annoying. But in the case of the one that lives in very close proximity to me, to add to her screechy demanour and air of pseudo-intellectualism is the fact that I loathe, with every shred of my being, her moral righteousness, which she derives from her undying love and support for the state of israel. Also, in every conversation we get into - whether it is about Obama, anti-war movements or Palestine-israel - she MUST take the contradictory viewpoint and argue (read as: splutter) her life away.
Tonight, as she started trying to poke holes in my statement contending that the realist and the idealist need not be mutually exclusive identities in a more conscientious world, I decided that I didn't care what she thought. So, I interrupted her mid-sentence (in my defence, this is what she was saying at the time: "so like my whole thing is that idealists like think of like ideas and realists like...") and said this, "OK [insert name]. I'm really glad you're thinking about this stuff critically. But this is what I believe and it's not really up for discussion. I'm going to bed now. Good luck on homework! *fake smile*."
As Indira Gandhi must've said (read as: probably never said) during her dictatorship ::ahem:: Prime Ministership, "Democracy shemocracy"

3) What Is This Remix Business?
This really is the clincher - once the original Oldie sounds more pleasant to the ear than a newer, 'hip' version of the song...it's time to hang up the Nike kicks and invest in a pair of Aunty-ji walking shoes to go dancing in.

[Then] Pakistani songstress Tassawar Khanum's "Agar Tum Mil Jao"



[Now] Shreya Ghoshal's vocals on Anu Malik's rework of "Agar Tum Mil Jao"


-------

STOP THE PRESSES!
Apparently I spoke too soon! I just received a text message (at 2:34 AM) asking if I'd like to drink chai and engage in a catch-up session with a friend! Arre Wah! Perhaps I am only middle-aged? Now, if only I could find my elasticated denim jeans...

Day. My.

I signed into my blog today and lo and behold - the hit counter read 1011! Who knew my friends and family are kind enough to fan my indulgent habits of blogosphere narcissism :) Jokes aside, thank you so much for taking the time to read my posts, thank you for all your lovely comments and thank you, most of all, for making me a part of your life!

I don't have very much to report. The day has gone by in a blur of political, social and legal theory. I have decided to stay ahead of the game and finish papers before they're technically due. So I cranked out (why can I not use the word "crank" anymore without being reminded of the annoyance that is Soulja Boy) two today - one more to get through tomorrow. Why do all my academic/regional interests focus on deadend politics? Truly astounding. By the end of the semester, I will have written 4 term papers (63 pages worth) on the changing notion of the Kashmiri identity and its socio-political consequences, Hamas and its rise as a social and political movement, studying the attributes of nationalist movements that have/have not gained international and legal recognition (Kashmir, Palestine, Eelam) and deconstructing (read as: tearing to shreds) Huntington's arguments in his essay "The Clash of Civilizations". Of course, I have chosen all of the topics that I'm writing about...that is to say, the days of joy (::cough:: anguish) that are quickly approaching have been hand-picked by me. Lovely.

What keeps me toasty on wintry nights full of depressing politico talk? (Everybody knows...I'm too predictable...Why do I even ask?) MUSIC :) I was treated to a wonderfully eclectic range of music today thanks to iTunes shuffle. Some of the most charming/memorable tunes:

1. Vampire Weekend - "Oxford Comma"
2. Daniel Lanois - "Fire" [featured on the latest episode of House, M.D. :)]
3. Armin van Buuren feat. Jacqueline Govaert - "Never Say Never (Myon & Shane 54 Remix)"
4. The Black Keys - "Oceans & Streams"
5. Nadia Ali - "Something To Lose (Cedric Gervais Remix)"
6. MGMT - "Kids (Soulwax Nite Version)" [FRIGGIN AMAZING]
7. Planet Funk - "Chase The Sun"
8. Meck feat. Dino - "Feels Like Home"
9. Udit Narayan (+ Master Vignesh, Baby Pooja and a whole bunch of Kids) - "Yeh Tara Woh Tara" [from Swades]
10. Lifehouse - "Everything" [It makes me so happy how this song means something unique to every individual-love is truly universal and limitless]

And...SLEEP.

Sending love to you, my dear ones, known and unknown, wherever you may be.

"Rain, I don't mind"*

Jal
The leaves are haggling with a love-inspired wind
and the sidewalks are slippery.
My umbrella is itching to go play
with skies that are heavy with rain.

Sometimes, only a song can give meaning to a moment, a day, an existence.

Christy Azuma - "Nâam" [from the Malian film by director Abderrahmane Sissako, Bamako]



*The Beatles - "Rain"

Anti-climax. Minus the anti-.

BUXTON parties in Leung Gallery are epic. The room fits over 400 people and we usually have over 200 people waiting in line to get in at any given time. The best party of the year. Sans doute.

BUXTON had amazing things planned for this Friday. "TAKE OFF". A space-age party with 6-foot balloons, 12000 pieces of confetti to be showered upon a massive crowd from 2 monstrous confetti machines, all-white drinks to match the all-white decor (did I hear someone say...classy?), stars projected on the walls, all-black dresscode for Buxtonites w/ alien-like barcodes on our necks and a massive Buxton banner to be unfurled at midnight with our House's song.

BUXTON is mad. SAO (student activities office) and a Dean have decided to cancel "TAKE OFF". And there shall be an enquiry into an event that Buxton had on Halloween - the SAO messed up and now they're trying to pin it on us, of course - and therefore they want us to sit tight and knit on Friday night/until they are done with their enquiry. Die, bureaucracy. Die.

BUXTON will survive old people and the imposition of their old-people rules.

BUXTON is going to tailgate F.C. Buxton's soccer semi-final tonight, WIN the match and the do its (in)famous satisfaction dance.

BUXTON will then take over downtown Providence and party its tush off on Friday.

BUXTON love. Always.

2DAY

[[Music]]

Cold Winds (Original Mix) - Jonas Steur feat. Julie Thompson

[[Script]]

¿Sufre más aquél que espera siempre que aquél que nunca esperó a nadie?
- Pablo Neruda
[Does he who waits forever suffer more than he who has never waited for anyone?]

[[What a feeling]]

Super-deep
Love.
SO prepared to wait.

another blasted esoteric list.

** I tried doing something different with the blog, but some people - not mentioning any names (::cough:: Natasha) - are thoroughly resistant to change. So bright orange it is! Perhaps I shall try and be (uncharacteristically) artistic and play around with the header or something. Don't hold your breath for that to happen though - laziness is my most dominant trait :P **

I woke up to an incredibly beautiful e-mail from my Mummy. It was 3 sentences long - but it made me happier than I have ever been. I rarely seek external validation...but Mama's approval of a decision I make/anything I do or say really makes a difference. And so I walked around with a smug-happy smile plastered to my face all day :)

Things that made today a lovely day:

- A new bright red toothbrush
- Natasha!
- Someone showering right before me. When I turned the tap, the water that hit me was WARM! Thank you 3rd floor early riser.
- A Test Series victory against Australia!!! What a wonderful farewell present for Sourav Ganguly. We will miss you, Dada!
- Dashing to the convenience store to make 3 super-important, life-or-death purchases - L'Oreal Hydrating Toner, cotton balls and M&M's
- 99c Cup Noodles :)
- Finishing a response paper 24hours before it's due
- Hoodies. fullstop. Anywhere, anytime.
- Carlos' yellow sweater & Carlos' banter
- Watching Gossip Girl with Angela, Britta and Pook. ooh-ing and aah-ing at trashy high school drama. And not feeling judged or guilty. Yes!
- Britta's Reese's Cups that REALLY hit the spot.
- Realising I have caught up on all my reading
- Conversations with Daliso - always! [Topics of discussion this evening included: party drugs, ManU vs Arsenal, 10 different footballers - their careers and personal lives, tattoos, Lil Wayne, Kanye West, music production, Keffiyehs and Palestine, Dizzee Rascal, Obama, race relations in the UK, the minority experience in Europe, the "American" identity, Zambian elections, homework and my obsessive need for Trance. all in 30 minutes]
- Claire and her Art
- The Blizzard October set, Trance Around The World 241 and A State of Trance 377 = 5 hours of spanking new Trance tracks (Daliso was right)
- Being reminded how hard you listen, how much you remember, how well you know me, how much you care. Your surprises give meaning to the music, give truth to the love.
- [future tense] Diet Coke-n-ice & The Office before bed.

Simple pleasures. Unbelievable joy.

And, the songs:
* Signalrunners feat. Julie Thompson - These Shoulders (Club Mix)
* Ferry Corsten - Made of Love
* DJ Governor - Lover Summer (Orjan Nilsen remix)
* Oceanlab - Breaking Ties (Above & Beyond’s Analog Heaven Club Mix)

Martin Luther King once said...

"Now is the time to make real the promises of democracy"

It will be one of the most important nights of my life. I was in Salomon 101 (Brown's largest lecture hall) with over 300 politically-conscious, fiercely intelligent Brown students staring at a giant screen - Wolf Blitzer was on CNN, standing next to an elaborate ticker with 10 seconds on the clock. Pennsylvania, New Hampshire, Ohio and Iowa had just been called for Obama - he had 220 electoral votes. The polls were just closing on the West Coast (the bluest of blue parts of the country) - we all KNEW we were about to become a part of history. At 11:07 PM (EST), Barack Obama was declared the next President of the United States of America. And the world was taught to dream again.

It takes real courage, in our world, to profess faith in the slogan "YES WE CAN". Barely 3 hours after Barack Obama's elegant, modest and inspiring acceptance speech (more on that later), I was assaulted by people (in real life and online) who had already begun doubting the man, his agenda and what he could achieve (not much, they argued). This is what Barack Obama was up against - a nation and a world gagging on fear.

The far-right in this country claim to have an undying and unwavering love for god and their religion - and yet, I find it puzzling how afraid they are of the unknown. George W. and his cronies have invested in fear tactics and a politics of suspicion for far too long. How can politics be inspiring when the party in power is using the White House as its base for planning illegitimate wars, concocting new methods of torture, writing up new tax plans to make their CEO friends richer and delegitimizing people's identities and their right to freedom and equality regardless of their race, gender or sexual orientation. How can we believe in those politics?

I sincerely hope you have all watched Obama's acceptance speech from the night of the 4th. If you have not, watch it here / read it here . It was a simple speech with a decidedly sombre tone. And that, my friends, is what relieved me. This is not a man who is looking to be a demi-god or make a quick buck and gain celebrity status for four years. This is not a man who speaks well and hides his intention using ideas stolen from Utopia. He is a man, I truly believe, who wants to make his country a better place. He stood on that stage in Grant Park - faced his nation (and the rest of this super-nosy, entitled world) alone. But he told us that he cannot do this alone. In his eyes, I saw him pleading - I saw him humbly asking us to re-think our priorities and the ways in which we've been leading our lives. I saw him willing us to be better people - to open our hearts to those around us, to want less and give more.

Barack Hussein Obama, I believe, is that rare breed of politician - the proactive kind. As I type this, he is at work naming his chief-of-staff (Rahm Emmanuel - he's a hardline pro-israel tool. anyway, what can be done.), assembling the rest of his senior officials (his Secretary of the Treasury is expected to be the next annoucement) and setting up meetings for early next week with the outgoing (PRAISE THE LORD) government to discuss issues facing the nation and ensure a successful handover of power. Same time in 2000? George W. Bush went on holiday. No joke.

I graduate in May 2009. Ever since I came to college, I had decided that I would take time off and bid farewell to the US of A for a while. A very long while. But, I admit it - I want to stay. I want to be a part of a country that can make an informed decision and vote into Presidency the "unlikeliest of candidates". I want to be a part of a country that will cease to be over-run by religious zealots who will take away my personal freedoms as a woman with their "pro-life" agenda, maniacs who believe that only by being armed can we ensure peace and security and narrow-minded bigots who believe in their right to claim supremacy because of their white race and their heterosexual orientation. I want to be a part of a nation that is inching towards universal freedom. I want to be a part of this nation where even the most stringent of all anarchists on Brown's campus can, for one night, shed their constructed shells of political apathy and salute the American flag and proudly sing, nay, YELL "The Star-Spangled Banner".

I'm not going to top off this post with a disclaimer that reads: "is he perfect? of course not. will he change everything? of course not". I won't do that because he has never claimed to be superhuman or possess the power to right global wrongs singlehandedly. I don't think this election "proves that racism is dead" [Obama's heightened security, the morbid conditions of slums in the inner-cities and the frighteningly high number of incarcerated Black men easily disprove that statement]. It does convince me that we are slowly deconstructing white hegemony and empowering ourselves as people of colour. It does prove that Americans are tired of the narrow-minded, war-mongering politics of the last 8 years. It does prove that we, like the new President of the United States of America (I get goosebumps everytime I say that!), have not lost the ability to believe in our own abilities to change the world. It does prove that America is willing to submit to a politics of Hope and not one of cynicism.

"I'm not talking about blind optimism here -- the almost willful ignorance that thinks unemployment will go away if we just don't talk about it, or the health care crisis will solve itself if we just ignore it. No, I'm talking about something more substantial. It's...Hope in the face of difficulty. Hope in the face of uncertainty. The audacity of hope!"
- Barack Obama, addressing the Democratic National Convention in 2004

-----

In summary,

this is the first family of the United States of America!
Yet people still continue to ask if "change" is possible.

P.S. - I am very distressed and angered by the passing of Prop 8 in California and I have a LOT to say on this awful piece of legislature. But that is coming in another post. This one's for Barack :)

I'm going to miss the first 4 minutes of class for this.

This is NOT my post-election entry. That will be posted later (when I don't have class in 2mins22seconds). It will be emotional and long.

I have been reading every source of printed material (virtual and printed-on-paper) I can lay my hands on to try and make sense of the events of last night. Somehow, it still doesn't seem real. But, I saw this in the library and it hit me. I ran back to my room in tears. And I had to share it with you.



YES. WE. DID.

YES WE CAN!

In the end, that's what this election is about.

Do we participate in a politics of cynicism or a politics of hope?
- Barack Obama

America decides today.
One day to believe in.
One day to make history.
One day to change the world

---

I am honoured and proud to tag this blog

"just set your fears go, you might find that you're not lost"*

IT WAS THE BEST NIGHT OF MY LIFE.

I have not slept since Thursday night, but my body isn't tired. At all. Friday night was some kind of glorious dream. ARMIN was so incredible. I can't begin to describe the way his music makes me feel. I haven't felt as alive as I did in that ballroom - every synth taking me to a place where there is only joy. I was telling someone that I never felt closer to reality than I did in those moments. Of course she pointed out the irony of my having that experience in the most surreal of settings - trance and flashing lasers. I don't know - I just felt so free, so conscious and so aware. [And, no, I wasn't on drugs haha - unless we're calling the magic-of-Armin a drug]

His set went from 11PM - 5:20AM and I was front-and-centre for all of it! I have some amazing pictures taken on a friend's really good (read as: $800) camera, but I have one or two blurry Blackberry camera photos too. I'm going to edit some of the other pictures, but I should have them up soon. For now I shall post some pictures taken with my phone. I have a great photo of him pointing right at me - glorious. After he finished his set, he came down to sign autographs etc (unlike those super-rude DJs who think they own the world and can afford to not be nice) and he came up to me, hugged me, kissed my cheek, said "Thank you" and signed my wristband. Needless to say, it is up there amongst the greatest moments of my life haha (if not the greatest moment). I don't believe in idolatry...I do believe in Armin van Buuren, though.

my favourite photo in this lot. this is Armin's signature pose
Precious.

I cannot do justice to the magic of listening to Armin live. He just KNOWS what to play - every song was right on cue. My heart soared when he played "Lost", "Unforgivable" and "Hide & Seek". Literally, soared. He did two mashups which made my blood pound through my veins (excuse the bad language in these titles, by the way - in his defense, Armin didn't choose them) "Funkagenda - What The Fuck vs Santiago & Bushido - Head Trick" and "The Prodigy - Smack My Bitch Up vs Ferry Corsten - Radio Crash". He played some amazing classic trance which, when coupled with blowout speakers and high bass, made for the most fantastic 2-hrs. And then when everyone came together to sing "Going Wrong" (the Armin-DJ Shah collaboration), I felt like I was a part of a nation. In trance we trust.

I am a changed person because of Friday night. I really don't want to fall asleep...it's like I will lose that glimpse I got of another way of existing in this world. I fear that when I wake up tomorrow, I will have let go of these moments of living in an altered sense of being...I will have moved away from this State of Trance.

* Sunlounger feat. Zara - Lost (Club Mix)

A State of Trance

ARMIN ARMIN ARMIN!!!!!!!!

TONIGHT TONIGHT TONIGHT

I have been dreaming of this night for...oh, I don't know...a million years? Heading out from Provy this afternoon - first stop, New Haven to meet up with 20-odd Yalies who are coming along and then NEW YORK for (what-I-hope-will-be) the greatest night of my life. It still hasn't sunk in that I'm going to see Armin in the flesh and bear witness to the sheer magic of his Trance sets! Madness!!

Songs I am going to be holding my breath for:

Ferry Corsten - Radio Crash
Sunlounger - Lost
Armin van Buuren - Unforgivable
Signalrunners - These Shoulders
Tenishia - Burning From The Inside
DJ Shah - Back To You
Kyau & Albert - Hide & Seek
Armin van Buuren - In & Out Of Love (Richard Durand remix)

OK, it is very late. I have to prep my body for a 9PM-5AM gig. And that requires SLEEP.

Armin, my love, I am coming...

P.S. - For the record, I hate Halloween - especially when it's appropriated by adults and turned into a night of alcohol-induced debauchery and skimpy, vulgar costumes. GAH!

like a mirror, i reflect.

it is -1°C outside. ladies and gentlemen, winter is upon us. i am currently huddled under a blanket, tap-tap-tapping away at my laptop (which crashed AGAIN yesterday, by the way - apparently it has something to do with my 45GB of music...oops), playing with images in my mind and listening to Trance Around The World Episode 238 - an amazing podcast by Above & Beyond.

i am really not feeling capital letters today. apologies. it's not my usual style, but there's something about their properness that is annoying me right now. also, i have been writing too many "factual", "empirical evidence"-based, "methodical" and carefully constructed argumentative essays...bas-khalas-enough, i say.

Crime Scene Investigation
a cardboard cutout of you
placed on the ground.
grab a fat white stick of chalk and
slowly-carefully-painstakingly
trace around the edges.

the skin of your thumb
pinched, just so you bleed a little.
seal the exact hue and
rapidly-carelessly-haphazardly
splash colour where your heart lies.

i'd love to recapture that moment.
when you fell in love

Train ride home
you and i.
secret lies.
how could we be so right and so wrong.

Trip
i'm sending a tub your way.
full of soft-serve memories
and rainbow-sprinkles.
i'm sending bubbles your way.
full of whispered words
and hummed songs.
i'm sending a cloud your way.
full of monsoon rain
and rose-coloured veils.
i'm sending pieces your way.

-----

7 short days! Make it happen, America. make.it.happen. GOBAMA '08!!

-----

and now, i shall watch 2 episodes of The Office, set an early alarm and fall asleep knowing that you have not ceased to inspire me. sweet dreams are made of these.

(except maybe the early-alarm part)

Bye-bye Midterms!

** Happy 44th Birthday, Zambia! **

Brown students call them "weeks from hell"...those blasted 5 days when normalcy fades into the distance and all we see is ginormous mugs of tea/coffee (pick your drug), the monstrosity of pages and pages of un-read books/articles and a blur of ideas, thoughts, essay topics that miraculously (and agonisingly, painstakingly) find themselves transferred to laptop screens and exam booklets. The 5 days when the insides of our eyelids decide that they, under no circumstances, will allow us to see them. At all. It always seems like an eternity. Those measly 5 days. Are finally over. Officially and absolutely.

When I begin to find myself lost and without hope, I turn to the most powerful force known to humankind...Music. The soundtrack of Dil Se... managed to keep this (terrible-example-of-a-) student alive. And kicking. This is how I've always heard the soundtrack:

Chaiyya Chaiyya - this song shall be played at my funeral. i have heard it atleast 600 times, and every time i feel like i'm hearing it for the very first time. magic, is this.
Jiya Jale - my parents love this song. and, therefore, i do too. Gulzar-saab is the 8th wonder of the world.
Aye Ajnabi - so painful. so perfect.
Dil Se Re - no one could have done to this song what Rahman's voice did. also, Mani Ratnam and Santosh Sivan (god I have so much love for this cinematographer...nay, artiste) use the world as their canvas in picturizing the song. there are moments in the video which make it almost too beautiful to bear.
Thayya Thayya - umm ya. the wannabe, kind-of-cool cousin of super-cool Chaiyya.
Satrangi Re - almost as mesmerizing as the obsessive love it speaks of. i cannot say enough about this song and the visuals that accompany it. i've always been a sucker for mountain-moving, shackle-breaking, heart-stirring love. the poetry of passion is given movement in this song. watch it-listen to it-feel it.

I also just realized the film was released in 1998...a decade ago...and I remember it. Wow, might as well get the knitting ready, change into my granny pants and plop myself on my rocking chair - I am embarassingly old.

I cannot wait to detoxify this weekend. Lots of fun things: a housewarming lunch, event planning for our Mahmoud Darwish poetry night, the SASA (South Asian Students' Association) dinner/dance and LOTS of poetry-writing. And yes, there will be poems dedicated to you...and you and you and you (it's a Sound of Music reference. if you don't get it, let us not be friends).

There was much I wanted to share about the cold weather, my new rainboots, fruitflies, phone calls, blue-cheese pasta sauce, pyaar and such...but the insides of my eyelids have finally granted me an appearance. The opportunity is too good to pass. Sleep defeats me.

Ishq par zor nahin, hai yeh vo aatish Ghalib

Jo lagaye na lage aur bujhaye na bane*
- Mirza Ghalib (from Satrangi Re)

----

* "Love is that fire, o Ghalib, over which we have no control
It cannot be started on a whim, nor extinguished if you try"
[My personal translation - it does the original no justice, by the way]

fading gently

a midterm, 2 response papers and a book to read. all before Thursday. fun, it is not.

posts shall come lumbering through the blogosphere once the next few days are done. i promise.

for now, it's back to reading-writing-thinking about war, society, nationalism, Hamas, identity, illicit economies, nuclear warfare, social movements, law, human rights, peace...petty stuff, really.

till Thursday, then.

hold your colours against the wall
when they take everything away
hold your colours against the wall
- Hold Your Colour by Pendulum
(life-changing song. thank you, Imran)

Friday Night-In = I'm Cool

I

finished my studying quota and am going to eat my midnight yoghurt and watch an episode of House, M.D. after this post! YAY!

had an epiphany the other day and am not afraid to finally admit to myself what I want to do with my life. Film writing/journalism/critique...folks, you're looking at the next Khalid Mohammed (note: the Hindustan Times writer/film critic/screenwriter/director NOT the evil Al-Qaeda leader)! Questions about where I want to study, what my focus will be, timeline for completion, etc. will be willfully and categorically ignored. I have finally articulated what I want to do...let me bask for a bit, dammit!

have been told (at least 20million times) that it's yom kippur. mmmmkay...stop trying to make me care about jewish holidays! i just really have no reason to/don't.

am ridiculously in love with avocado

would kill to watch Hazaaron Khwahishein Aisi right now...where are those sketchy, dimly lit Rs.20-a-night pirated DVD rental stores when you need them?!

cannot wait to leave behind unregulated capitalism.

have a History midterm on Wednesday, which is making me very upset. I hate studying for exams! Ask me to write you a paper and I will do it without any complaining (I may whine just a little bit, and only because it's customary to do so) - but exams?! Can we please band together and petition for the obliteration of this outdated 'testing' mechanism. Gah, Exams! Die a painful death, why don't you?!

am missing a day-trip to Boston tomorrow (boo) to study for my aforementioned, godforsaken midterm. However

am going to Boston on Sunday for the closing night of the Boston Palestine Film Festival!!! Excited out of my mind to watch Salt of This Sea and meet and (potentially) invite Annemarie Jacir to come to Brown! Art--Power--Freedom!

love my new pink nailpolish! (almost as much as you love your red nailpolish, Tinu)

taught a class on Rang De Basanti on Thursday. The conversations were vibrant, challenging and, basically, glorious! Everyone said I was a great discussion leader, which made me very happy (people even took notes when I talked! eep!). Can I do this for a living, please?

Skype-d with Natasha this morning, which brought me unimaginable joy! I miss you so much, Natutu! Thank you for being the friend that everyone dreams of having.

don't want our children to live in a world where organized 'religion' has the unrestrained power to recruit and coerce them into joining "god's army". Please stop the proselytising!

am getting over my unbearable hatred for cinammon. Now it's at the "wow, that tastes vile" stage. Progress, indeed.

realized how insanely self-centred this post is. Apologies.

have a million thoughts on the November 4th Election. To keep it short, however: 1) Senator Biden: Those hairplugs are nasty but you, sir, are a master blaster debater (albeit, a rather arrogant one). 2) Senator John McCain: I am not your friend. Far from it. So stop calling me that. 3) Governor Sarah Palin: Thank you for being the woefully unaware/inarticulate "hockey mom" that you are. You betcha! 4) Senator BARACK OBAMA: Here's to you, Mr. President *tip of a hat*

love reading my friends' friends' blogs and knowing that my loved ones are surrounded by good, smart, interesting people.

had been just "surviving" for the past week or so...existing in a slump of sorts. And then on Thursday morning as I was walking back from the Post Office, my iPod started playing Roobaroo (the Rang De Basanti one, not the Maqbool one), and the leaves were flitting in the breeze and the sun was warming the pavement...and I started to feel again. Ah life (aka AR Rahman), you do amazing things to me.

am really missing the festivities of Durga Puja :( Suddenly the shlumpy bhog, ice-cold khichoodi, just-going-stale nimkee and rock-hard aloor-dum at our Lusaka Vedanta Centre make for a menu that I'd pick over a meal at the Ritz Paris.

watched a documentary called "Miss India-Georgia" today with the rest of SAWC (South Asian Women's Collective) - it tracks four finalists in the Miss India competition in the state of Georgia. Confused-about-my-identity Indian-Americans + American-beauty-pageant drama = uncontrollable giggles

have had In Aankhon Ki Masti (Umrao Jaan), Saiyaan (Kailash Kher/Kailasa), Khuda Jaane (Bachna Ae Haseeno), Pal Pal Dil Ke Paas (Blackmail...hai, the magic of Kishore da!) and Suno Suno (Yuva) on repeat for most of the day!

am counting down the days till December 22nd (i think?!) and my homecoming. Kolkata, I miss You!

wish I could put up fluorescent heart-shaped post-it notes on the doors of all 10000 people I love and treasure in this world. This virtual heart shall have to do the trick: <3.>
have taken some really amazing classes this semester. Therefore/However

am finding out more and more about anti-woman violence, internalized/structural misogyny, hidden racism, the ultra-conservative Christian right, the ultra-powerful Jewish lobby, "white power", colonial occupation and war profiteering. It makes it very hard to believe in, above all else, universal love.

am trying.

a chain of gratuitous episodes*

jigsaw memories & weekends past
cracks on a venetian mirror
crushed roses
smell of
love
a breeze
against your walls of steel
smoky eyes
crumpled denim
mottled leather and
pavements littered with
cigarette butts --
dewy sunlight and saturday morning tears.

*****

what is contact? touch or feel? amnesia would be so lovely right now. baaah!
but still happy.

On Repeat:
[All the songs are in the playlist in the little widget across from this post, so if you want a listen...]
- Kids by MGMT:: indie rock meets electronica. this song is fire.
- Shove It by Santogold:: the beat is power, the lyrics - "we think you're a joke, shove your hope where it don't shine" - are magic. Santogold is both.
- Quelqu'un m'a dit by Carla Bruni:: picture laying in a grassy field with millions of tiny white daisies. except instead of daisies imagine tealight candles. this is how i love him.
- Love Lockdown by Kanye West:: taiko drumming, darkness and saying byebye. this is how i should love him.
*from Federico Fellini's 8½, which I watched on Friday night. they just don't make 'em like they used to! although i prefer my surrealism done by Rushdie or Marquez and in colour, still worth a watch, for sure. also, a little patience will go a long way.

Sonate vom Guten Menschen

The Lives of Others is laced with the haunting sounds of this beautiful piece composed by Gabriel Yared for the film. I watched the film this evening at the German department with two of my friends and I was struck by how perfectly the strains in "Sonata for a Good Man" capture the vision of the film's director, Florian Henckel von Donnersmarck (what an incredibly fun name, no?).

Yes, the rumours are true - The Lives of Others is a masterpiece. In case you have no idea what I am talking about: a) shame on you (haha just kidding!), b) you can check out the trailer for the film here. Please keep in mind that this is the theatrical trailer they'd show in America - hence, the overtly sensationalist nature of it. The film really is not half as disgustingly over-the-top, annoyingly fast-paced or uncouthly action-packed as Sony Pictures would have you believe. The film is more a character-driven drama than it is a political thriller and, ultimately, it is the power of the people in the script that make the two hours so special.

Our timeline begins in 1984 Berlin and von Donnersmarck leads us through the particularly murky history of the German Democratic Republic. The film is not your stereotypical portrayal of the brutality of a totalitarian regime, but it is really a nuanced look at the complexities of life as one long morality play - the film studies the dilemma of vulnerable people forced into impossible choices. It is subtly ironic, heart-wrenchingly poignant and oddly relatable.

The film's plot is held together by two incredibly strong male characters whose lives become intertwined as the film progresses. One man is a magnificently successful playwright, Georg Dreyman (played by a gloriously charming Sebastian Koch), the other a ruthless Stasi agent/interrogator, Captain Gerd Wiesler (Ulrich Mühe delivers one of the greatest performances I have ever witnessed in my life). The two characters never have any direct, face-to-face contact but their lives become inextricably linked as they become implicated in co-dependent acts of dissidence (it's really hard to write a review, I realize, without including spoilers! bah!). The greatest irony of the film is possibly this - the two men may be the only patriots in East Germany. While they truly embody the spirit of justice and fraternal love that the Republic idealizes, since the nation itself functions by means of a systematic betrayal of those ideals (oh, the glory of politics), the only way Wiesler and Dreyman can express their loyalty is by committing treason.

Watch the film. [Blink a lot in the first 1.5hrs of the film, you will not want to miss an instant of the last 30 minutes!] Yes, the film is about 20 minutes too long. No, it is not my favourite film ever (not even close). Someone once described The Lives of Others to me as "life-changing". I prefer to think of it as "life-affirming".
----------
My favourite scene from the film is when Wiesler sneaks into Dreyman's house and steals a volume of Bertlot Brecht's poems. We move from the life of the warm, earthy, cluttered-with-literature-and-learning pad of the artiste to the loneliness of a sterile, harshly-lit, brutalist apartment of a Stasi officer. We watch Wiesler as he reclines in his couch and a voice-over reads aloud a part of the poem (that which is in italics, below). The classical camera angle and the absolute silence in the background mean that there isn't a dry eye when the last few words of the stanza are read aloud. Beautiful.

Remembrances of Marie A. [from Die Hauspostille (1927)]
- Bertolt Brecht

1
On a certain day in the blue-moon month of September
Beneath a young plum tree, quietly
I held her there, my quiet, pale beloved
In my arms just like a graceful dream.
And over us in the beautiful summer sky
There was a cloud on which my gaze rested
It was very white and so immensely high
And when I looked up, it had disappeared.

2
Since that day many, many months
Have quietly floated down and past.
No doubt the plum trees were chopped down
And you ask me: what's happened to my love?
So I answer you: I can't remember.
And still, of course, I know what you mean
But I honestly can't recollect her face
I just know: there was a time I kissed it.

3
And that kiss too I would have long forgotten
Had not the cloud been present there
That I still know and always will remember
It was so white and came from on high.
Perhaps those plum trees still bloom
And that woman now may have had her seventh child
But that cloud blossomed just a few minutes
And when I looked up, it had disappeared in the wind.
----------

[RIP Ulrich Mühe]

Onions and Orchids, Dairy and Daisies, Ricotta and Roses

Every Wednesday, local farmers bring their produce to Brown's campus and sell delicious fresh fruit and vegetables to hungry, hippie college students. The market is on Wriston Quad, a large grassy courtyard that is just outside Buxton's doors, and today I decided to enjoy the sunshine and the luxury of having some spare cash and went "bhejji" shopping.
I bought 3 teenie eggplants from this super-friendly Korean woman who said I look exactly like her 16-year old daughter (mm I think not, but OK), 5 ears of corn and a small bag of super-sour, crazily crunchy apples picked at the stable where my roommate goes horse-riding. I've recently fallen in love with the feel and taste of every vegetable imaginable. Meat just doesn't do it for me anymore. There's something so warm and tender about the greens and browns and reds and oranges and yellows and purples and pinks and beiges (I don't discriminate based on colour) of vegetables - meat just strikes me as cold, brash and pretentious. Also, I realize how little you have to do to make non-meat/fish things taste good: wash, cut/chop, chew...YUM!
I bought some olive-Sourdough which I shall initiate with my lunch partner tomorrow. I am thinking of pairing it with some brie and then serving it with an eggplant-mushroom-parmesan pasta-salad. I believe this menu shall make her happy :) It certainly makes me smile.

I also sealed my official entry into the "Girl Club" (thanks Dani!) by purchasing a jar [ahem] bouquet of flowers for our room. How pretty they look sitting atop our fridge.

***I possess the ability to choose when and what I eat on a daily basis. In our world, this is truly a privilege. My DAY O'FOOD really served as a reminder for another reason I should be eternally thankful for all that I have. ---> Click to Give @ The Hunger Site

When My Mood Mirrors The Stock Market...

I've been a little moody over the past few days. I hate acting out when nothing is really wrong. I'm not usually one to draw up tables and use logic to determine my mood...but, Grumpiness is not my favourite style of outerwear and I know that something's horribly wrong when even House music isn't upping the smile quotient. Alors, desperate times call for desperate measures.

Task: 10 minutes to type out as many things that are bringing Joy into my life...15 minutes to type out as many things that are taking Joy away.

:)
- Skype dates with my beloved Vietnam-explorer
- sexy/sultry/silly smiles, playful punches, beautiful noise, hallway jam sessions, INITIATION (eeeep!), party planning, comfy couches, loving futons, welcoming carpets, teaaaaa, chats, heart-to-hearts, house-community-LOVE --- BUXTON
- Olive oil-garlic-spring onions-mushrooms-spinach-salt to taste + Pita bread
- International Mentoring Programme [aka "International Modelling Programme"-- pictures are forthcoming] : barbecues, boisterous buses, beach basking, bxtn lounge partying, buzzzzzzz
- Armin van Buuren
- 26°C weather
- Orange-yellow scarves
- San Pellegrino LIMONATA *yummmmm*
- Toothy grins
- Aviators. mine in particular :P
- Chocolate soy milk moustaches
- Laughing Out Loud. really loud.
- Classy cool
- BIG bags. because they're sexy and hold a lot of stuff.
- Avocado
- Beedi Jalaile
- Pimm's!
- A State of Trance Episodes 365 & 368
- Memories of moments that will never come again
- A warm bed and plump pillows
- Skinny jeans
- The soft smell of South African Red Roiboos Vanilla tea on a Sunday morning
- Lectures, seminars, homework, classes (weird, I know)
- Loving you 100%

:(
- Obnoxious freshmen
- Lack of space
- 500 pages of reading a week (eek)
- Drunk fratboys and their animalistic tendencies
- Indian-Americans
- Being behind on Gossip Girl
- Not going to the gym
- BIG bags. because they hold a lot of stuff and make you look unsexy as you rummage through them looking for miniscule USB drives.
- Photos taken during eating-time. no matter how good your camera is or your skills are, those shots are...A-W-K-W-A-R-D! jeez.
- Amazing shoes...that pinch my toes.
- Barely masked misogyny (ARGH!)
- Beer
- Unanswered phone calls.
- Wondering if you care.

Wow...I feel so lame. Even with 5 extra minutes, I couldn't come up with half as many reasons to be sad than happy. Note to self: your life is amazing! Quit whining. Congratulate yourself on finishing History reading, change into your jammies, eat your delicious cup of vanilla yogurt while watching the latest episode of The Hills (no greater reward, believe me), listen to Ferry Corsten's "Radio Crash" (which, by the way, you, reader, should listen to too...it's sooo good) one last time and sleep.

I am blessed. I am embarrassed for trying to convince myself otherwise.

Running, Spinning, Sailing

Autumn is upon us. I'm sitting on my bed, looking out the window and I can see the edges of every green leaf take on a goodbye-sunny-summer orange-red colour. It's disturbing. On one hand, autumn is indeed the time of warm, deep colours, the beginning of the countdown to Christmas (no, I promise I'm not one of those old ladies who starts buying discounted decorations from supermarkets in September) and wrapped-up-in-a-shawl-drinking-tea nights...and on the other hand, autumn signals the end of that season of love, magic and (the kind you can dance in) rain -- SUMMAH! Autumn signals the beginning of "reality". For the eternal dreamer, this is highly and very fundamentally disruptive.

Does anyone have a cure for how to get over this feeling of impending doom??

My short-term solutions:
1. Drowning myself in San Pellegrino Aranciata
2. Running away to New Haven and finding new dreams
3. Sandals!
4. Champagne, laser lights and smoke machines
5. Going back to 2001 and listening to "Chase The Sun" by Planet Funk [PLEASE listen to this song/click on this link - even if you don't usually like electronic music, this song will make you want to fly]
6. Keeping the bounce in my step, the HOUSE MUSIC in my ears and the sunshine in my heart

Amazing xxx

FEEL IT!

My favourite song from the Spring has FINALLY been released! It took them almost 6 months to finally get it out but, let me tell you, the wait was worth it!

DJ DLG & Erick Morillo - Where Are You Now (Demo Mix)

I just ordered a new set of Bose speakers (and for the record - friends at Brown, I refuse to haul them around to enhance our movie-watching sessions in your dorms/apartments...these babies shall be more precious to me than life itself) and they arrived a day after the release and my purchase (that's right - PURCHASE) from beatport of the song. I decided not to listen to any bootleg versions of the song before it was officially released by Subliminal Records and now...this feeling that I have after hearing it for the first time in stereo sound...I can only describe it as the purest form of joy. Please join me in celebrating the birth of the greatest song in the history of our world! (at least for the next few days until I get another tune to go crazy about :P)

Buxton International House

Open doors and sharing snippets of the self. Stand-up comedy and fighting over Federer vs Nadal (aka Federer > Nadal). Baking cakes and sipping soy milk. Parties at VIVA and yelling newly discovered tunes across the hallway. Ironic cardboard-box-fights and no-shoes policies. Brushing-teeth conversations and inappropriate bathroom jokes. Burly boys and their girly gossip. Guitar playing and SaveTonight singing in the grassy-green courtyard. Buxton Belonging.

So much joy!

"This is the message that you have heard from the beginning: We should love one another"
- 1 John 3:11

BXTN <3

Walking down blocks, Pictures don't stop

So it's officially time to frown at open suitcases and brown cardboard boxes and come face-to-face with the reality of the end of summer. I move Mummy into her hotel tomorrow...and then I move into my dorm on the 25th. IMP (the International Mentoring Programme) training starts on the 26 (bdaybdaybday!!), then Orientation/welcoming the new International bachus (aka freshmen) to Amreeka till the 30th...and then the new semester begins on the 3rd of September. My biggest worry before my last year at Brown begins? I seriously hope I have enough wallspace for a lifesize cutout of Usain Bolt. No, seriously...

I spent much of yesterday talking to 3 of my closest friends from home. We chatted about the ridiculous amounts of fun we had in Form 5 and IB, told each other things we were never brave enough to say then and marvelled at how friendships can remain so strong despite the road bumps of time and distance. Needless to say, nostalgia brought (many) a tear to my eye and I ended up listening to my "ISL Memories" playlist (topped by PREMIER GAOU [2003 Prom] and LONELY [2005 Prom]) and feeling the most beautiful kind of sad-happy.

BUT

If there's ever been a time when I feel like I should have faith in the power of tomorrow and not mourn yesterday, it's now. My Summer has been, emotionally and intellectually, absurdly fulfilling and I can't help but feel the most barf-inducing kind of positivity. This season of limeade-aviators-and-flipflops has taught me many things:

a) There is much to be learned from books
b) There is more to be learned in living the truths that books speak of
c) Duty and inclination need not always be enemies
d) Family = Hope
e) Friendship never fails to surprise, disappoint or reward
f) All I know is Music
f) There is no such thing as "too much rain"
g) Love - of the forever variety - smells like cigarettes.

Believe me, I know there will be many days of hair-pulling, profanity-yelling, book-burning (in theory only, of course), heartache-enduring frustration. But, somewhere during the last few months, Hope convinced me, in all its rainbow-coloured glory, that it can fight every cod-oil-flavoured setback...and win.

"One race, One Heart -
We are the Children of the Sun"
- Yanou

Showmanship!

Yesterday was a Bee-you-tee-ful day!

We

Walked 20 minutes to the train station

Took a 8:35 AM train (which was delayed by 20 minutes! Hah, it's not only train drivers in India who smoke bidis and delay everyone) to Boston
Jumped off the train and procured a map
Breakfast-ed at Finagle-a-Bagel
Shoe-shoe-shopped *Meet my new love: BCBG Max Azria satin flats*
Tried on funny hats and hipster scarves
Marveled at weird contact lenses
Subway-ed it to Harvard Square
Poked fun at an Indian family (grandparents and batteries included) who had brought their 5-year-old son to Hahvahd - a pilgrimage of sorts
Walked around Hahvahd's green and decided that Brown is FAR superior (duh)
Lunch-ed
Piled into a taxi (apparently 5 people can't get into one car...come to Kolkata, Taxi-driver-saab) and drove drove drove to Arlington
Chilled with BipashaBasu-RanbirKapoor-DeepikaPadukone-MinishaLamba (aka watched Bachna Ae Haseeno) *the songs are...baap re! so good*
Bus-ed back to Harvard
Subway-ed to downtown Boston
Ate-d dinner at a Malaysian restaurant *Kangkung Balacan - as yummy as it is fun to say*
Dessert-ed at the railway station
Train-journey-ed it back to Providence at 8:45 PM *Traveller's tip: InStyle magazine is the most fantastic companion ever*

And, through it all, we remained the most obnoxious, chatty bunch in any crowd.

I would've taken photos...but I never do.

Also, I noticed how much of yesterday was Bee-based: Boston, bagels, BCBG, Boo-Harvard, Bachna Ae Haseeno...Ahh I am clever indeed.

However, the biggest B (no not Amit uncle) of the day was undoubtedly USAIN BOLT and his fearlessness. If there's an image that embodies the true spirit of sport - not that I'd ever want to add a caption and turn it into a grotesquely cheesy motivational poster - it's this one:I have watched millions of hours of sport in my 20-going-on-21 years of life. And yet, when I watched the video of Bolt decelerating 15m from the finish line, holding his arms out wide, beating his chest - I realized I was gaping like an idiot. It was one of the most spectacular moments of athletic triumph ever. Some analysts seem to be bothered by the fact that, because of his 'antics', Usain gave up the opportunity of, possibly setting a record (i.e. a 9.59 second run) that is virtually unbreakable. I think they're missing the point entirely. Phelps wins 8 golds and is too shy to even pretend like it's a big deal, Bindra wins India's first gold and does nothing but shift about uncomfortably on the podium as the national anthem is played and Nadal's explanation of why he won the gold in the men's singles event ("The reason probably I won this title is because I have a fantastic time here enjoying a lot in the village") is possibly the most uninspiring sentence ever uttered by man. Bolt's spectacular "sod off" to propriety is a statement of daring that was seriously needed in a Games that has, thus far, been a very stoic affair. And to top it all off - the audacity of the man to do it all with an untied golden spike-shoe! That, my friend, is the mark of a true zinger of a sportstar.

Here's to another Bolt victory in the 200m (I'd rather he didn't shatter the record for that event as it is held by a personal favourite, Michael Johnson) and a Liu Xiang victory in the 110m hurdles (I want to see if the simultaneous crying and clapping of 1.3billion people can indeed cause a flearthquake aka a flood&earthquake).