The After-Effects of Substance.

"Given a choice between grief and nothing, I'd choose grief" said a very brainy William Faulkner in his book (which I haven't read) The Wild Palms. I met this quote in passing at a party thrown by Jean-Luc Godard in 1960 entitled À bout de souffle (in bold, because this is a film [I know my analogy didn't make that clear. sorry.] that needs to be watched by YOU as soon as possible). I have not been able to stop thinking about this quote since our first meeting. It interrupts my silent chai-making morning routine. It causes my unsteady hand to slip during my salad-sporking at lunchtime. It forces me to toss and turn, despite nighttime commanding me to sleep. It haunts me.

Admittedly, it is the greatest truth of my life. Life lived any other way would be...eerily quiet. Checklist: Constant, hurtling motion. Beginnings that are sudden. Endings that are devastating. An unsteady heart. Eyes that are constantly moist. Lips, always dry. Free falling.

Save your lists and timelines, plans and order for the rest of the world. My life's OST is one monstrous, bellowing, reverberant "SOD OFF".

Why So Serious?

I am listening to Wagner's Walkürenritt (Ride of the Valkyries) as I type this. Which, of course, can mean only one thing - I am enraged.

Some time ago, a fellow feminist directed me to a most yucky website - AskMen.com. Just typing out the web address has almost induced a stress-related heart attack. It is your typical run-of-the-mill website for men (according to the website "7 million readers a month"). It joyfully brings together pages and pages of half-naked women to objectify and subsequently "rate", stupid conservative political commentators/writers who must be rich (AKA white/Jewish/South Asian) and thousands of articles on staying at the Waldorf-Astoria-buying $10,000 watches-picking the right kind of Premium Vodka.

It also hosts the writing talents of a man named Matthew Fitzgerald - the author of a fascinating, illuminating piece of work called "Sex-Ploytation: How Women Use Their Bodies To Extort Money From Men". I know sarcasm doesn't always transfer well in written work, so I'll just say it: I EFFING HATE THIS MAN.

Most instances of misogyny and sexism are cleverly masked in our society - you have to dig deep and think hard to realise that most of the dominant views of and assumptions about our world are gendered and anti-woman. In that regard, I must hand it to Fitzgerald - he is brave enough to openly parade his malevolent sexism and "say it like it is". Of course that also makes him a bigot and a complete idiot, but I guess youwinsome-youlosesome. His newest load of bullcrap comes in the form of an article on AskMen.com entitled Training Your Girlfriend [Statutory Warning: If you are a self-respecting woman, this article will cause your blood to boil. Dr. Bhattacharya's recommendation: Read this article in an isolated space, where no living or non-living beings may be harmed by your wrath]. It is, quite possibly, the most infuriating thing I've ever read. The article basically equates women with dogs and cites "common obedience problems", including: Aggression (feminism), whining, barking (because silent/passive girls = good girls), begging, not fetching (a beer, that is) and more... It is repulsive.

Now, one may argue that this is a joke. Firstly, going off of Fitzgerald's track record, it probably isn't. Secondly, I really do not care for such a low standard of "humour" so LOL I will not. It also amazes me how men continue to find the same age-old stereotypes funny. It's quite pathetic. And, perhaps most importantly, what kind of world do we live in where something like this can actually be paraded around and "joked about"? Why the hell is it OK for us to laugh at such hateful, offensive characterizations of women?? Would something like this get widespread viewership/tacit approval if it were, for instance, about Jews or African-Americans? NO! But, of course, joking about women and gender is never out-of-bounds.

Which brings me to my final point. How do we, as feminists, counter sexism that is masked as "humour"? It's something that I personally struggle with a lot - many of my (guy) friends seem to think that throwing about sexist "jokes" in my presence is cute. Of course, their inflammatory remarks get the desired reaction. My outbursts, usually riddled with feminist theory, are almost always countered by a stupid, condescending smirk (which every man seems to have perfectly mastered) and a "Jeez. Sensitive much?" comment. GRRR. So, this anecdote in an article by Gina Barreca really made me smile.

For example, after Liz Carpenter worked for the Johnson administration she wrote a book about her experiences working at the White House. The book was out for a while, did pretty well. One evening she met Arthur Schlesinger at a cocktail party. He came over to her and smiled and said "Like your book Liz. Who wrote it for you?"

Now, clearly dear Arthur meant this as his little joke. If she had stammered and blushed, he would win the point. He could then say, "see, you just can't joke around with these women." If she'd pounded her fist on the table and threatened to call a lawyer, he could say the same thing.

Instead what Carpenter did was to say in response, "Glad you liked it, Arthur. Who read it to you?"

All she did was take his format and adapt it for her own purposes.

So, misogynistic jokers (AKA every man I encounter at any Indian dinner party) - BRING.IT.ON. We women are armed and humourous! (OK, that was a bad joke...I'll get to work on it ASAP. ahem.)

Splashes of Sadness

No. Deluges, actually.

Just as you...please. and Thankyouverymuch.

"Aankhon ka hai dhoka,
Aisa tera pyaar
Tera Emotional Attyachaar!!!"

A State of...

Complete the title, and I'll give you a prize.

Bursting through my black and white existence comes this. A Technicolour splash of salvation.
Rhythm
Harmony
L.E.D.
Trance. Energy.
He is coming. The countdown HAS begun.

Bah Humbug! + Lyrics like "Shed your shyness and fall on my lap"

You must read on...

It's Spring Break. Time of fun, frolic, frothy iced-drink sipping. Thanks, but no thanks.

I am sick. No joke. Like headache, lack of appetite, sunshine-hurts-my-eyes sick. Bleagh. While other people put up pictures of sunny Puerto Rican shores and trips to Science Museums (I mean if the company is right, even that can be fun, right?), I plan on staying in my tea-stained Brown sweatshirt and crumpled jeans, guzzling Orange-Mango juice, devouring every novel I can lay my hands on and gorging myself on as much 30RockHouseMDFamilyGuyGilmoreGirlsTheSimpsonsGossipGirlTheColbertReport as my feeble stomach will possibly allow. Food may feature at some point...I'll get back to you on that one.

Blame it on my barely-open teary eyes, but my world seems a little "meh" right now. Not bad. Not sad. Just...meh. If Vicky Cristina Barcelona (which, by the way, EVERY human being should watch ASAP. manic, moody, riotous, sultry, addictive...absolute magic. definitely, my pick of 2008 - as is often the case with Woody's genius, this film too is underappreciated and inexcusably ignored. also, if you were planning on, don't watch it with your parents. just throwing that out there.) hadn't swooped into my life on Tuesday night, I may have resorted to keeping a pet rock out of boredom. What to do when you're stuck in a rut? One can do nothing, but wait...

And entertain oneself with Telugu videos that are so insane, they're fabulous. Like Haute Couture, really.

Nightcap

Naala-e zanjeer-e Majnun arghanoon-e aashiqanast
Zauq-e aan andaza-e gosh-e ulul-albaab neest
- Amir Khusro

The creaking of the chains of Majnun is the orchestra of those who love,
To appreciate its music is quite beyond the ears of the wise.

Waqt ka Ishaara

After watching the first 25minutes of it over the weekend, I winced and decided that I just couldn't get through its contrived predictability.

Like in the film, Magik got its second chance. Tonight. And, I loved it! Yes, it's predictable. No, I wasn't moved to a point of numbness. But, you know what - the music is boomtastic (this coming from someone who experiences mild nausea at the hint of a rock song), the actors are aesthetically pleasing, the story is solid, the dialogue flows, and they wear Converses in more scenes than I can count. Good times.

"Hoton pe jis ke
Koi to geet hai.
Woh haare bhi to
Us ki hi jeet hai.
Dil mein jo geet hai
Gun gun guna lijiye
Phir dekhiye..."

Someone hand me a leather jacket and a camcorder. I'm going out to live. (I find meaning in the fact that my flying fingers erred and typed "love" first)

In French we say "une amélioration"

My mood when I woke up this morning (a carry-over from last night):
"Dil hi to hai na sang-o-khisht, dard se bhar na aaye kyon?" - Mirza Ghalib
(My own embarrassingly rough translation: "A heart it is, not a stone nor a brick. Why then should it not feel sorrow?")

I have an epic paper due on Tuesday, which my mind used as an effective diversion. She is a clever mind...a ruthless military strategist. Hah. However as I worked ferociously on my paper, happily distracted from thoughts of broken hearts and dejected friends and chipped souls, I also forgot to look out the window. And so, only at 4PM did I notice how beautifully sunny it was.

Like an egg yolk.

Of course, by that time, my bum was so firmly sunk into my mattress and my grey matter so deeply immersed in Stendhal's theory of "vanity-love" that it would be impossible to go out there and join hands with the emerging blades of grass and revel in the wonders of Spring.

Oh, Spring is HERE! :)
(hmm I hope I'm not being presumptuous in declaring this so emphatically)

You know what I want to do to celebrate? I want to put on a knee-length scarlet dress with barely-there black stockings...lay out a white bedsheet on the drive way...eat blueberries and crunchy vanilla macaroons...sip on Raspberry Lime Rickey...slap on a pair of sunglasses (yes, at night)...and watch Le Fabuleux Destin d'Amélie Poulain under a clear sky. Mmmm.

My mood right now:
Elevation - "Biscayne"

Zat is...how you say...in Eengleesh...an improvement.

On the SL1: Logan Airport-South Station

Cambridge suddenly seems colder. Saying goodbye to parents gets easier with time, right? That's what they say.

They lie.

Finite Resources

infinite
I want poetry to be whispered in the wind. I want us to stop hurting. I want this heaviness to go away. I want dreams to float. I want love to give. I want multicoloured rain. I want Destiny to not be malevolent. I want a crimson sky and a lemon-slice moon.
wants

You'll never see this. But I want you to know. That I do wonder.

Dear World.

Epic fail.

Dear Life,

I do not ask for much. But, please. Do not stifle creativity. Do not curb freedom. Do not choke love. Oh, and please allow more magical things like this to transpire:


(impatient children, the "high" of the song starts at 2:51...however, I suggest you start at the very beginning, press play, close your eyes and let good things happen to you)

Sincerely yours,
Slowly-losing-faith.

Not Enough Time (Andy Duguid Remix)

This should be fun!

Instructions
1. Put your music player on shuffle.
2. Press forward for each question.
3. Use the song title as the answer to the question.
NO CHEATING... [How dare you suggest I'd cheat!]

What does this year have in store for you?
Masakali - Mohit Chauhan [Delhi 6] (I like! good start...)

What's your love life like?
Starlight - Muse (emo progressive rock. gee, thanks.)

What do you say when life gets hard?
Gaata Rahe Mera Dil - Kishore Kumar & Lata Mangeshkar [Guide] (how appropriate!)

What do you think when you get up in the morning?
Bamboo Banga - M.I.A. (niiiice)

What song will you dance to at your wedding?
One More Time - Daft Punk (LOL! so that would mean: a) I'm getting married in bxtn b) this will not be my last. perfect!)

Your favourite saying?
The Power of Bhangra - Snap! vs Motivo (haha! sick song yo)

Favourite place?
Jump Around - House of Pain (err ok. oh, 90's hiphop...)

What do you think of your parents?
Time To Say Goodbye - Armin van Buuren (LOL! fyi: not true haha)

Where would you go on a first date?
Celtic Spirit - Riverdance (I promise this isn't rigged)

Drug of choice?
The Importance of Being Idle - Oasis (I told you Sloth is one of my top 3 sins)

Describe yourself:
Good Morning - Kanye West (actually, yes.)

What is the thing you like doing most?
She Wants Him (Blake Jarrell's Panty Dropper Remix) - Moussa Clark feat. Terrafunka (so much inappropriateness here. swiftly moving on...)

The song that best describes your school principal:
Anonymous - Bobby Valentino feat. Timbaland (hahahahaha)

What is your state of mind like at the moment?
Main Agar Kahoon - Sonu Nigam & Shreya Ghoshal [Om Shanti Om] (*sigh*)

How will you die?
A State Of Trance 2007 CD 2 (In The Club) - Armin van Buuren (death in a state of trance...at the hands of Armin. hmm. where do I sign up, again?)

The song that will be played at your funeral?
Breaking Ties (Above & Beyond Analogue Haven Mix) - Above & Beyond pres. Oceanlab (yes, I'd like that, thanks)

Your blog post subject
Not Enough Time (Andy Duguid Remix) - Cosmic Gate feat. Emma Hewitt (AH! what a beautiful track and, incidentally, my favourite song of the moment!)

**OK, I'm spending WAY too much time on iTunes...it has begun to be able to read my mind.**

Also, for all you doubters of my eclectic music library - check out the diversity! only 6/17 fall under the genre of Electronica. BOOYAH!

I'm tagging all of you! Post your OSTs!

only you would notice

and perhaps, i knew.

four words. and a point d'interrogation.

how easily you make me fail.

"to feel for you is easy...this feeling inside me...it sends me sky high"

55.

Musical miracles. Sparkling silhouettes, ominous in a deserted arch. So many lies. O, the Thrill of watching fires devour ticket stubs and mute your smell of cigarette smoke. I wonder, will you notice? That, today, it's just me and a shattered sky.

An unending night. Dreamless sleep. Gaping love holes in a Mughal Emperor's Twilight.

yours.

paralysing-damning-charming-hypocrisy,
i want you to know:
hookergold
and charcoalblack
i was, for one last night,
made-of-love.
chokingback
tearsonatrain
"i see in your face the eyes of a stranger"
how much you hurt
i heard i can never forget.
and so it goes...
a never ending moment.
and one long silken burnt bridge.

If You Should Go. go now.