Friday, October 31, 2008

A State of Trance

ARMIN ARMIN ARMIN!!!!!!!!
TONIGHT TONIGHT TONIGHT

I have been dreaming of this night for...oh, I don't know...a million years? Heading out from Provy this afternoon - first stop, New Haven to meet up with 20-odd Yalies who are coming along and then NEW YORK for (what-I-hope-will-be) the greatest night of my life. It still hasn't sunk in that I'm going to see Armin in the flesh and bear witness to the sheer magic of his Trance sets! Madness!!

Songs I am going to be holding my breath for:

Ferry Corsten - Radio Crash
Sunlounger - Lost
Armin van Buuren - Unforgivable
Signalrunners - These Shoulders
Tenishia - Burning From The Inside
DJ Shah - Back To You
Kyau & Albert - Hide & Seek
Armin van Buuren - In & Out Of Love (Richard Durand remix)

OK, it is very late. I have to prep my body for a 9PM-5AM gig. And that requires SLEEP.

Armin, my love, I am coming...

P.S. - For the record, I hate Halloween - especially when it's appropriated by adults and turned into a night of alcohol-induced debauchery and skimpy, vulgar costumes. GAH!

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

like a mirror, i reflect.

it is -1°C outside. ladies and gentlemen, winter is upon us. i am currently huddled under a blanket, tap-tap-tapping away at my laptop (which crashed AGAIN yesterday, by the way - apparently it has something to do with my 45GB of music...oops), playing with images in my mind and listening to Trance Around The World Episode 238 - an amazing podcast by Above & Beyond.

i am really not feeling capital letters today. apologies. it's not my usual style, but there's something about their properness that is annoying me right now. also, i have been writing too many "factual", "empirical evidence"-based, "methodical" and carefully constructed argumentative essays...bas-khalas-enough, i say.

Crime Scene Investigation
a cardboard cutout of you
placed on the ground.
grab a fat white stick of chalk and
slowly-carefully-painstakingly
trace around the edges.

the skin of your thumb
pinched, just so you bleed a little.
seal the exact hue and
rapidly-carelessly-haphazardly
splash colour where your heart lies.

i'd love to recapture that moment.
when you fell in love

Train ride home
you and i.
secret lies.
how could we be so right and so wrong.

Trip
i'm sending a tub your way.
full of soft-serve memories
and rainbow-sprinkles.
i'm sending bubbles your way.
full of whispered words
and hummed songs.
i'm sending a cloud your way.
full of monsoon rain
and rose-coloured veils.
i'm sending pieces your way.

-----

7 short days! Make it happen, America. make.it.happen. GOBAMA '08!!

-----

and now, i shall watch 2 episodes of The Office, set an early alarm and fall asleep knowing that you have not ceased to inspire me. sweet dreams are made of these.

(except maybe the early-alarm part)

Friday, October 24, 2008

Bye-bye Midterms!

** Happy 44th Birthday, Zambia! **

Brown students call them "weeks from hell"...those blasted 5 days when normalcy fades into the distance and all we see is ginormous mugs of tea/coffee (pick your drug), the monstrosity of pages and pages of un-read books/articles and a blur of ideas, thoughts, essay topics that miraculously (and agonisingly, painstakingly) find themselves transferred to laptop screens and exam booklets. The 5 days when the insides of our eyelids decide that they, under no circumstances, will allow us to see them. At all. It always seems like an eternity. Those measly 5 days. Are finally over. Officially and absolutely.

When I begin to find myself lost and without hope, I turn to the most powerful force known to humankind...Music. The soundtrack of Dil Se... managed to keep this (terrible-example-of-a-) student alive. And kicking. This is how I've always heard the soundtrack:

Chai
yya Chaiyya - this song shall be played at my funeral. i have heard it atleast 600 times, and every time i feel like i'm hearing it for the very first time. magic, is this.
Jiya
Jale - my parents love this song. and, therefore, i do too. Gulzar-saab is the 8th wonder of the world.
Aye Ajnabi - so painful. so perfect.
Dil Se
Re - no one could have done to this song what Rahman's voice did. also, Mani Ratnam and Santosh Sivan (god I have so much love for this cinematographer...nay, artiste) use the world as their canvas in picturizing the song. there are moments in the video which make it almost too beautiful to bear.
Thayya Thayya - umm ya. the wannabe, kind-of-cool cousin of super-cool Chaiyya.
Satrangi Re -
almost as mesmerizing as the obsessive love it speaks of. i cannot say enough about this song and the visuals that accompany it. i've always been a sucker for mountain-moving, shackle-breaking, heart-stirring love. the poetry of passion is given movement in this song. watch it-listen to it-feel it.

I also just realized the film was released in 1998...a decade ago...and I remember it. Wow, might as well get the knitting ready, change into my granny pants and plop myself on my rocking chair - I am embarassingly old.

I cannot wait to detoxify this weekend. Lots of fun things: a housewarming lunch, event planning for our Mahmoud Darwish poetry night, the SASA (South Asian Students' Association) dinner/dance and LOTS of poetry-writing. And yes, there will be poems dedicated to you...and you and you and you (it's a Sound of Music reference. if you don't get it, let us not be friends).

There was much I wanted to share about the cold weather, my new rainboots, fruitflies, phone calls, blue-cheese pasta sauce, pyaar and such...but the insides of my eyelids have finally granted me an appearance. The opportunity is too good to pass. Sleep defeats me.

Ishq par zor nahin, hai yeh vo aatish Ghalib
Jo lagaye na lage aur bujhaye na bane*
- Mirza Ghalib (from Satrangi Re)

----
* "Love is that fire, o Ghalib, over which we have no control
It cannot be started on a whim, nor extinguished if you try"
[My personal translation - it does the original no justice, by the way]

Monday, October 20, 2008

fading gently

a midterm, 2 response papers and a book to read. all before Thursday. fun, it is not.

posts shall come lumbering through the blogosphere once the next few days are done. i promise.

for now, it's back to reading-writing-thinking about war, society, nationalism, Hamas, identity, illicit economies, nuclear warfare, social movements, law, human rights, peace...petty stuff, really.

till Thursday, then.
hold your colours against the wall
when they take everything away
hold your colours against the wall
- Hold Your Colour by Pendulum
(life-changing song. thank you, Imran)

Friday, October 10, 2008

Friday Night-In = I'm Cool

I

finished my studying quota and am going to eat my midnight yoghurt and watch an episode of House, M.D. after this post! YAY!

had an epiphany the other day and am not afraid to finally admit to myself what I want to do with my life. Film writing/journalism/critique...folks, you're looking at the next Khalid Mohammed (note: the Hindustan Times writer/film critic/screenwriter/director NOT the evil Al-Qaeda leader)! Questions about where I want to study, what my focus will be, timeline for completion, etc. will be willfully and categorically ignored. I have finally articulated what I want to do...let me bask for a bit, dammit!

have been told (at least 20million times) that it's yom kippur. mmmmkay...stop trying to make me care about jewish holidays! i just really have no reason to/don't.

am ridiculously in love with avocado

would kill to watch
Hazaaron Khwahishein Aisi right now...where are those sketchy, dimly lit Rs.20-a-night pirated DVD rental stores when you need them?!

cannot wait to leave behind unregulated capitalism.

have a History midterm on Wednesday, which is making me very upset. I hate studying for exams! Ask me to write you a paper and I will do it without any complaining (I may whine just a little bit, and only because it's customary to do so) - but exams?! Can we please band together and petition for the obliteration of this outdated 'testing' mechanism. Gah, Exams! Die a painful death, why don't you?!

am missing a day-trip to Boston tomorrow (boo) to study for my aforementioned, godforsaken midterm. However

am going to Boston on Sunday for the closing night of the Boston Palestine Film Festival!!! Excited out of my mind to watch Salt of This Sea and meet and (potentially) invite Annemarie Jacir to come to Brown! Art--Power--Freedom!

love my new pink nailpolish! (almost as much as you love your red nailpolish, Tinu)

taught a class on
Rang De Basanti on Thursday. The conversations were vibrant, challenging and, basically, glorious! Everyone said I was a great discussion leader, which made me very happy (people even took notes when I talked! eep!). Can I do this for a living, please?

Skype-d with Natasha this morning, which brought me unimaginable joy! I miss you so much, Natutu! Thank you for being the friend that everyone dreams of having.

don't want our children to live in a world where organized 'religion' has the unrestrained power to recruit and coerce them into joining "god's army". Please stop the proselytising!

am getting over my unbearable hatred for cinammon. Now it's at the "wow, that tastes vile" stage. Progress, indeed.

realized how insanely self-centred this post is. Apologies.

have a million thoughts on the November 4th Election. To keep it short, however: 1) Senator Biden: Those hairplugs are nasty but you, sir, are a master blaster debater (albeit, a rather arrogant one). 2) Senator John McCain: I am not your friend. Far from it. So stop calling me that. 3) Governor Sarah Palin: Thank you for being the woefully unaware/inarticulate "hockey mom" that you are. You betcha! 4) Senator BARACK OBAMA: Here's to you, Mr. President *tip of a hat*

love reading my friends' friends' blogs and knowing that my loved ones are surrounded by good, smart, interesting people.

had been just "surviving" for the past week or so...existing in a slump of sorts. And then on Thursday morning as I was walking back from the Post Office, my iPod started playing
Roobaroo (the Rang De Basanti one, not the Maqbool one), and the leaves were flitting in the breeze and the sun was warming the pavement...and I started to feel again. Ah life (aka AR Rahman), you do amazing things to me.

am really missing the festivities of Durga Puja :( Suddenly the shlumpy
bhog, ice-cold khichoodi, just-going-stale nimkee and rock-hard aloor-dum at our Lusaka Vedanta Centre make for a menu that I'd pick over a meal at the Ritz Paris.

watched a documentary called "Miss India-Georgia" today with the rest of SAWC (South Asian Women's Collective) - it tracks four finalists in the Miss India competition in the state of Georgia. Confused-about-my-identity Indian-Americans + American-beauty-pageant drama = uncontrollable giggles

have had
In Aankhon Ki Masti (Umrao Jaan), Saiyaan (Kailash Kher/Kailasa), Khuda Jaane (Bachna Ae Haseeno), Pal Pal Dil Ke Paas (Blackmail...hai, the magic of Kishore da!) and Suno Suno (Yuva) on repeat for most of the day!

am counting down the days till December 22nd (i think?!) and my homecoming. Kolkata, I miss You!

wish I could put up fluorescent heart-shaped post-it notes on the doors of all 10000 people I love and treasure in this world. This virtual heart shall have to do the trick: <3.>
have taken some really amazing classes this semester. Therefore/However

am finding out more and more about anti-woman violence, internalized/structural misogyny, hidden racism, the ultra-conservative Christian right, the ultra-powerful Jewish lobby, "white power", colonial occupation and war profiteering. It makes it very hard to believe in, above all else, universal love.

am trying.

Monday, October 6, 2008

a chain of gratuitous episodes*


jigsaw memories & weekends past

cracks on a venetian mirror
crushed roses
smell of
love
a breeze
against your walls of steel
smoky eyes
crumpled denim
mottled leather and
pavements littered with
cigarette butts --
dewy sunlight and saturday morning tears.

*****
what is contact? touch or feel? amnesia would be so lovely right now. baaah!
but still happy.

On Repeat:
[All the songs are in the playlist in the little widget across from this post, so if you want a listen...]
- Kids by MGMT:: indie rock meets electronica. this song is fire.
- Shove It by Santogold:: the beat is power, the lyrics - "we think you're a joke, shove your hope where it don't shine" - are magic. Santogold is both.
- Quelqu'un m'a dit by Carla Bruni:: picture laying in a grassy field with millions of tiny white daisies. except instead of daisies imagine tealight candles. this is how i love him.
- Love Lockdown by Kanye West:: taiko drumming, darkness and saying byebye. this is how i should love him.
*from Federico Fellini's , which I watched on Friday night. they just don't make 'em like they used to! although i prefer my surrealism done by Rushdie or Marquez and in colour, still worth a watch, for sure. also, a little patience will go a long way.

Thursday, October 2, 2008

Sonate vom Guten Menschen

The Lives of Others is laced with the haunting sounds of this beautiful piece composed by Gabriel Yared for the film. I watched the film this evening at the German department with two of my friends and I was struck by how perfectly the strains in "Sonata for a Good Man" capture the vision of the film's director, Florian Henckel von Donnersmarck (what an incredibly fun name, no?).

Yes, the rumours are true - The Lives of Others is a masterpiece. In case you have no idea what I am talking about: a) shame on you (haha just kidding!), b) you can check out the trailer for the film here. Please keep in mind that this is the theatrical trailer they'd show in America - hence, the overtly sensationalist nature of it. The film really is not half as disgustingly over-the-top, annoyingly fast-paced or uncouthly action-packed as Sony Pictures would have you believe. The film is more a character-driven drama than it is a political thriller and, ultimately, it is the power of the people in the script that make the two hours so special.

Our timeline begins in 1984 Berlin and von Donnersmarck leads us through the particularly murky history of the German Democratic Republic. The film is not your stereotypical portrayal of the brutality of a totalitarian regime, but it is really a nuanced look at the complexities of life as one long morality play - the film studies the dilemma of vulnerable people forced into impossible choices. It is subtly ironic, heart-wrenchingly poignant and oddly relatable.

The film's plot is held together by two incredibly strong male characters whose lives become intertwined as the film progresses. One man is a magnificently successful playwright, Georg Dreyman (played by a gloriously charming Sebastian Koch), the other a ruthless Stasi agent/interrogator, Captain Gerd Wiesler (Ulrich Mühe delivers one of the greatest performances I have ever witnessed in my life). The two characters never have any direct, face-to-face contact but their lives become inextricably linked as they become implicated in co-dependent acts of dissidence (it's really hard to write a review, I realize, without including spoilers! bah!). The greatest irony of the film is possibly this - the two men may be the only patriots in East Germany. While they truly embody the spirit of justice and fraternal love that the Republic idealizes, since the nation itself functions by means of a systematic betrayal of those ideals (oh, the glory of politics), the only way Wiesler and Dreyman can express their loyalty is by committing treason.

Watch the film. [Blink a lot in the first 1.5hrs of the film, you will not want to miss an instant of the last 30 minutes!] Yes, the film is about 20 minutes too long. No, it is not my favourite film ever (not even close). Someone once described The Lives of Others to me as "life-changing". I prefer to think of it as "life-affirming".
----------
My favourite scene from the film is when Wiesler sneaks into Dreyman's house and steals a volume of Bertlot Brecht's poems. We move from the life of the warm, earthy, cluttered-with-literature-and-learning pad of the artiste to the loneliness of a sterile, harshly-lit, brutalist apartment of a Stasi officer. We watch Wiesler as he reclines in his couch and a voice-over reads aloud a part of the poem (that which is in italics, below). The classical camera angle and the absolute silence in the background mean that there isn't a dry eye when the last few words of the stanza are read aloud. Beautiful.

Remembrances of Marie A. [from Die Hauspostille (1927)]
- Bertolt Brecht

1
On a certain day in the blue-moon month of September
Beneath a young plum tree, quietly

I held her there, my quiet, pale beloved

In my arms just like a graceful dream.
And over us in the beautiful summer sky

There was a cloud on which my gaze rested

It was very white and so immensely high

And when I looked up, it had disappeared.


2
Since that day many, many months
Have quietly floated down and past.
No doubt the plum trees were chopped down
And you ask me: what's happened to my love?
So I answer you: I can't remember.
And still, of course, I know what you mean
But I honestly can't recollect her face
I just know: there was a time I kissed it.

3
And that kiss too I would have long forgotten
Had not the cloud been present there
That I still know and always will remember
It was so white and came from on high.
Perhaps those plum trees still bloom
And that woman now may have had her seventh child
But that cloud blossomed just a few minutes
And when I looked up, it had disappeared in the wind.
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[RIP Ulrich Mühe]